November 2013

Sometimes we, as parents, can get very focused on behavior. What is our child doing? How do we correct or improve the behavior? Well, we have to remember that Scripture says it is the heart that produces behavior. So changing behavior can sometimes leave the heart unaffected, which can be disastrous in the long run. What we really want in our children is heart change; we want their hearts directed toward God. If their heart is pointed in the right direction, the right behavior will come. Here are some behaviors or actions that if seen in a teenager, may reveal their heart is directed toward the Lord.

First, does your teenager have a time of personal worship to the Lord? I’m talking about a private devotional time. Does your child have his/her Bible near the bed? Do you see them reading? Or, is the only time they pick up their Bible is when parents make them go to church?

Second, is closely related to what I just said. Does the teenager desire church, fellowship, and instruction? Is it a fight every Sunday morning to get up and go to church? Does your teen enjoy spending time with other like minded teens, or do they prefer to run with the ‘wrong crowd?’ Is the teen trying everything in his/her power to get out of hearing a sermon? If you can see evidence of a desire for church, fellowship with other Christians, and hearing instruction then your teen is on the right track toward developing a heart for God.

Third, is the teenager willing and open to talk about spiritual things? Or, every time you open your mouth about God or the Bible, does the teen start rolling his/her eyes and storming out of the room? A teen who has a heart for God is not opposed to such discussions. Does your teen ask you to pray for him/her? Do they ever ask what God’s will is or what God thinks they should do? If so, be encouraged because God is working on the heart.

Fourth, do they take into account the Bible, when making decisions? We do not want our teens to be impulsive, or driven by their emotions, or self-centered in their decisions. We want them to consider what God has to say, or what God wants them to do. If they are concerned about those things when making decisions, then we see evidence that the heart is moving in the right direction.

Now, as a parent, these are things to look for in your teen. But you can also work to try and encourage a heart for God. First, you must model personal devotion time and make church a priority. Don’t be surprised if you have no devotional time, that your teen doesn’t as well. If you like skipping church, of course they will learn that as well. Second, refer to God often. When your teen is venting about life and school, point the conversation towards the Lord. What does the Lord want, think, or say about this situation? In this you will train them to think Biblically. Third, be positive with your use of Scripture. Don’t beat them over the head with the Bible and cause them to hate Scripture. Use Scripture to give hope to them and show them that God always has an answer. Lastly, be willing to admit and ask forgiveness when you mess up. You will mess up sometimes because parenting is a learning process. But teens will grow leaps and bounds in their respect for you when they see you humble and willing to admit wrong. Maybe that will rub off on them as well.  To the teenagers I would ask: do you have a heart for God or are you simply trying to behave in a certain way? Spend time with God, and with people who love God, and ask the Lord to shape and mold you into a person who has a heart devoted to Him.

Pastor Mark Scialabba

October 2013

For as long as we can remember, teenagers have gotten a rush out of doing dangerous things. Whether it is racing in a car or using drugs, unwise and dangerous choices have marked the lives of teenagers. Recently, however, a new way to achieve this rush has become popular. This is found in what is known as ‘cutting.’ When someone ‘cuts’ they purposely use a sharp object to pierce the skin and draw blood.

If you go back 15-20 years ago, if somebody was injuring themselves in this way it would be seen as a cry for help, or the definition of someone who is suicidal. However, recent research has shown this is not necessarily the case. Researchers now think it provides a rush, or to put it another way, a ‘high.’ It is the modern day free drug. Rates of people who injure themselves have skyrocketed, and specifically amongst teen girls. In the 1990’s the rate was lower than 3%. More recent research has shown numbers as high as 1 in 5 teenage girls between the ages of 10 and 18 either cutting or burning themselves. 

While I cannot offer a complete treatise in this article on cutting and how to deal with it, I would like to show what the Bible says about such self-harming/self-mutilating practices. In short, the Bible describes cutting as the actions of pagan and false religion worshipers. While I’m not implying that anyone who cuts is some sort of a Satanist, I am saying that those who cut as a recreational escape, are engaging in acts of pagan worship and they might not even know it.

The clearest example of this is found in 1 Kings 18 in the showdown between Elijah and the prophets of Baal. The wicked king at the time, King Ahab, was promoting Baal (pagan god) worship and Elijah felt it was time to take a stand. So Elijah ordered a showdown to see who the boss was. The prophets of Baal went first calling on their god, but there was no answer. So they began to “cut themselves according to their custom with swords and lances until the blood gushed out on them” (1 Kin 18:28). Notice it was their ‘custom’ to cut themselves in such a way. It was ingrained in their pagan worship, a tradition. It was these pagan cultic practices that made God give the command to “not make any cuts in your body for the dead…” (Lev 19:28). Clearly there was some sort of prescribed form of pagan worship that involved self-mutilation.

In the New Testament the only mention of self injury is the man who is demon possessed and when Jesus casts out the demons they indwell a bunch of pigs and the pigs run down into the sea (Mark 5:1-13). In that passage it says he “gashed himself with stones” (v 5). Again the situation is pagan, occult, demonic influences.

I want to make it clear that I am not insinuating that anyone who cuts is a pagan worshiper or a demon possessed person. What I am trying to say, to those who cut for simply a recreational high, is that you have to realize the dark history of such a practice. If Satan can convince us that such evil practices are simply ‘recreational’ then he is already winning the battle of our minds.

To those who struggle with cutting because of depression or anger, I would encourage you to seek Pastoral Counseling. The real solution to the problem is understanding your identity in Christ, not a temporary diversion from life’s problems. We are not to try and escape life’s problems, but seek the Lord in the time of life’s problems.

Pastor Mark Scialabba

September 2013

For as long as we can remember, teenagers have gotten a rush out of doing dangerous things. Whether it is racing in a car or using drugs, unwise and dangerous choices have marked the lives of teenagers. Recently, however, a new way to achieve this rush has become popular. This is found in what is known as ‘cutting.’ When someone ‘cuts’ they purposely use a sharp object to pierce the skin and draw blood.

If you go back 15-20 years ago, if somebody was injuring themselves in this way it would be seen as a cry for help, or the definition of someone who is suicidal. However, recent research has shown this is not necessarily the case. Researchers now think it provides a rush, or to put it another way, a ‘high.’ It is the modern day free drug. Rates of people who injure themselves have skyrocketed, and specifically amongst teen girls. In the 1990’s the rate was lower than 3%. More recent research has shown numbers as high as 1 in 5 teenage girls between the ages of 10 and 18 either cutting or burning themselves. 

While I cannot offer a complete treatise in this article on cutting and how to deal with it, I would like to show what the Bible says about such self-harming/self-mutilating practices. In short, the Bible describes cutting as the actions of pagan and false religion worshipers. While I’m not implying that anyone who cuts is some sort of a Satanist, I am saying that those who cut as a recreational escape, are engaging in acts of pagan worship and they might not even know it.

            The clearest example of this is found in 1 Kings 18 in the showdown between Elijah and the prophets of Baal. The wicked king at the time, King Ahab, was promoting Baal (pagan god) worship and Elijah felt it was time to take a stand. So Elijah ordered a showdown to see who the boss was. The prophets of Baal went first calling on their god, but there was no answer. So they began to “cut themselves according to their custom with swords and lances until the blood gushed out on them” (1 Kin 18:28). Notice it was their ‘custom’ to cut themselves in such a way. It was ingrained in their pagan worship, a tradition. It was these pagan cultic practices that made God give the command to “not make any cuts in your body for the dead…” (Lev 19:28). Clearly there was some sort of prescribed form of pagan worship that involved self-mutilation.

In the New Testament the only mention of self injury is the man who is demon possessed and when Jesus casts out the demons they indwell a bunch of pigs and the pigs run down into the sea (Mark 5:1-13). In that passage it says he “gashed himself with stones” (v 5). Again the situation is pagan, occult, demonic influences.

I want to make it clear that I am not insinuating that anyone who cuts is a pagan worshiper or a demon possessed person. What I am trying to say, to those who cut for simply a recreational high, is that you have to realize the dark history of such a practice. If Satan can convince us that such evil practices are simply ‘recreational’ then he is already winning the battle of our minds.

To those who struggle with cutting because of depression or anger, I would encourage you to seek Pastoral Counseling. The real solution to the problem is understanding your identity in Christ, not a temporary diversion from life’s problems. We are not to try and escape life’s problems, but seek the Lord in the time of life’s problems.

Pastor Mark Scialabba

August 2013

One of the scariest topics to come across or read about in the Bible is the wrath of God. His wrath is not some uncontrollable outburst that is an imperfection of God. Instead, it is a settled and determined response to sin against His holy character. It is actually something to praise God for.

God’s wrath comes in different forms, as well. There is God’s temporal wrath, where He punishes a person with wickedness (David and Bathsheba). There is also God’s eternal wrath, where He will punish sin forever and ever (Lake of Fire). But there is another form of God’s wrath that could be just as scary as those other two. I am talking about the wrath of abandonment. This is where man continually rejects and abandons God, and God then leaves man to his choices. To put it in other words, continual rejection of God pushes God to then withdraw and give man over to his sin.

This is most clearly described in Romans 1, where 3 times it says “God gave them (man) over.” Man continues to abandon the truth of God, so God abandons man to his choices. The first part of this wrath comes when man rejects that God even exists, and replaces God with something else (vv 24-25). This is seen today where atheism is the fastest growing ‘religious’ mindset in our country. This is the essence of man rejecting God, and God gives man over to this mindset.

Consequently, if there is no God, then there are no objective rules for morality or sexuality. This brings about the expression of the mindset that rejects God, when homosexuality and other perversions become the norm and are accepted (vv 26-27). This is the second part of where God gives man over to his decisions.

Finally, if man makes his own sexual decisions, then he decides to just make any other decisions he wants in all other areas of morality and ethics. Man decides he is his own boss and he does what he wants. This leads to things like wickedness, boastfulness, untrustworthiness, and even the casual acceptance of those things (vv 28-32). This shows the extent of the mindset of man rejecting God. And God gives man over to this decision.

Why do I bring this up this month? We need to realize that we have already passed phase one of this wrath of abandonment in our country. Atheism is growing, the ‘smartest’ people in our positions of science and mathematics do not believe in God, and we should not be surprised if it becomes the majority opinion. In the USA, we are currently in phase two of this wrath of abandonment. With the landmark rulings of the Supreme Court, perverted lifestyles like homosexuality are now not only accepted, but defended. This will quickly lead to phase three, where subjective morality reigns and anything goes.

Why do I think this is happening in our country? I believe it is because of the Christian church turning away from the true gospel. In the last 50 years we have seen a rise in easy-believism, seeker-sensitive, prosperity gospel churches thriving. These three types of churches are not preachers of the true gospel so we have many people who can speak Christianese but are not truly converted. Without truly converted people preaching the true gospel, leads to the culture rejecting God. Just ask a Christian in England, because this happened there. England was the source of the world’s greatest preachers, and now you cannot find a church if you want to.

I’m not trying to be entirely pessimistic here about the future of our country. I want us to see the dire importance of true preaching of the true gospel. Without it, man turns away from God, and scarily God turns away from man.

Pastor Mark Scialabba

July 2013

Batman and Joker. Dogs and cats. Parents and children. What do these 3 groups have in common? They are all sworn enemies. But one of these groups doesn’t have to be. Of course I’m talking about parents and children, although I have seen dogs and cats cooperate.

As a youth pastor I get to deal with each of the parent/child groups extensively. What I find is usually a back and forth tug of war. The parents think it’s the children that have problems, and the children think it’s the parents who have the problem. Usually neither one will admit their own faults, and they will try to convince outsiders of the irresponsible behavior of the other group. I may be a dreamer, but I believe parents and children can coexist in harmony and actually have a thriving relationship with rules and discipline. Of course this can happen when each group determines to follow Scripture.

Ephesians 6:1-4 is the primary passage that deals with children’s responsibilities and parent responsibilities. For the child it is simple: obey and honor. For the parent it is also very clear: don’t provoke to anger but raise children in the discipline and instruction of the Lord. Of course it is hard to actually live out these instructions, but nobody would argue that the Scripture is unclear.

What parents and children both have in common is that they have the same motivation. In v 1 it says for children to “obey your parents in the Lord.” In v 4 it tells parents to “bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.” The common denominator is the Lord. He should be the motivating factor for children and parents alike. In fact, the Lord is the motivation for wives and husbands as well (5:22-33). And the Lord is the motivation for employees and bosses (6:5-9). To summarize: the Christian child, the Christian parent, or even just any Christian has as their supreme motivation to please the Lord Jesus Christ. Our entire goal in all we do is for the Lord to be happy with us.

This is where parents and children need to come together to build harmony in the home. Children need to understand obeying and honoring is the right thing to do, because the Lord is pleased when they do that. They also need to understand that parents are trying to raise them with discipline and rules, because that also pleases the Lord. Parents must understand they have to instill rules and discipline, but also be consistent and reasonable, because the Lord has required that of them, and He is pleased when they do that.

If you find your home a constant battlefield, then you need to sit down with each other (parents and children) and begin here. Both groups need to confess where they are falling short and ask the other’s forgiveness. Then each group needs to remind themselves that there is something bigger at stake here than simply extending a curfew or going to a dance. What is at stake is the Lord being pleased with this home. So a child who is not obeying is not pleasing Christ. A harsh, demanding, unreasonable parent is also not pleasing Christ.

Let me just say, in no way is this a negotiation. Parents absolutely have the authority in the home. But a parent’s most convincing strategy is being a humble, honest, pleaser of Christ. Lord willing, may this lead to joy and fellowship in the home, rather than bickering and battling.

Pastor Mark Scialabba

June 2013

This has happened to all of us: someone, who is not a Christian, has challenged our beliefs and our faith demanding we defend ourselves and provide a good answer. The demand usually comes in the form of a question like this: “Where is the proof for God?” or, “Why does God allow evil?” And what do we say? We fumble about for an answer trying our best to defend God and give a good answer. Most of the time we are on the defense, trying to answer challenges, but in this article I would like to propose a new strategy: go on the attack.

II Cor. 10:5 says, “We are destroying speculations and every lofty thing raised up against the knowledge of God.” This is not a defensive strategy. “Destroying” is never associated with defense, its an offensive strategy. I’m proposing we go on the attack against unbelieving thought and reason because in the end, unbelieving thought is foolish. It seems wise, but it really is not. Our offensive strategy is to expose the foolishness bound up in unbelieving thought. (Remember, we are never to attack the person, but the worldview he/she is holding to).

For example, somebody might say, “I don’t believe in God because there are no proofs for him.” Go on the attack against that statement. Ask them a question like this, “So are you admitting that if there was good proof you would convert and worship God?” Or this, “What would be a good proof? If Jesus appeared to you today would you take that as proof?” The answer would be a definite “no.” They would interpret that vision as a dream or a hallucination. In the end, why would God prove Himself to you, if you wouldn’t accept the proof anyway?

Or, somebody might say, “Why does your God allow evil?” Again, go on the offense and attack that statement. An atheist/naturalist cannot even ask that question because they do not believe in a God! Call them out on that. Say, “Are you assuming that God exists with that question?” Or to get even deeper, “Why does God have to adhere to your standard of morality? Isn’t that your problem with Christians?  They are always trying to convince people to follow their morality? You are guilty of the same thing!”

At the root of atheistic thought is the desire for no accountability. Admitting there is a God would endorse a higher being who can tell us what to do, and sinful man doesn’t want that at all! But to hide that admission, the atheist hides behind “proofs” or “problems with evil,” when in reality those statements don’t even hold up and cannot even be asked.

I think we don’t have to cower in fear when it comes to defending the faith. There are many proofs for God, but atheists won’t accept them because they have already decided that they don’t want a God.  A Christian can really wrestle with the problem with evil, but the atheist can’t even ask the question because it assumes God exists (the very thing they don’t believe in)! These are just a couple of examples how we can “destroy speculations and every lofty thing raised up against the knowledge of God.” Sometimes the best defense is a good offense.

Pastor Mark Scialabba

May 2013

In just a few days, members of our youth group will be heading out to the Cinco de Mayo festival here in town to share the gospel with people who come up to our table. Our goal is not to recruit people to come to our youth group or even the church. Our goal is to speak the gospel of Christ to people who haven’t heard it.

For some of us, even the thought of sharing the gospel is terrifying. We are afraid of getting into an argument, or being asked a question that we don’t know the answer to, or just being considered weird. Some are hesitant to evangelize because they feel they are not ‘gifted’ or not adequately trained in how to do it. Others understand the necessity of evangelism and they will pass out a flyer or a tract, but they still won’t talk to somebody. Whatever our hesitancy to share the gospel, we must remember two things: Evangelism is a matter of obedience, not giftedness; and, evangelism is the speaking of the message of Christ, not just the handing out of the message of Christ. In this article I’d like to propose 3 tips for helping us get the gospel conversation started.

The first tip would be to pray beforehand. If you know a person at work or school, who is not a Christian and you want to share the gospel with him/her, begin to pray for opportunities to do so. Paul asked the Colossians to pray this for him in Col 4:3. Specifically, he asked for an open door to share the gospel. You will be amazed at how God answers this prayer faithfully. I’ve had this happen in my own life where, out of the blue, someone will randomly bring up spiritual things or questions about Christianity. I was completely shocked by their question, but then I remember I had been praying for an opportunity and God gave it.

The second tip would be to relax. Of course we want to do a good job in our gospel presentation and we want to faithfully honor God, but we can relax knowing that the other person’s eternal destiny does not rest on how amazingly incredible our gospel presentation is. Its not because of us that people go to hell, and its not because of us that people get saved. Salvation is entirely God’s work, from beginning to end, so we need to stop placing this pressure on ourselves to make our conversation absolutely perfect. In Phil 1:15-18, Paul says that some people are preaching Christ out of love, and others out of envy. But whatever the reason, he says, he’s just glad they are speaking of Christ. Don’t wait to get it perfect, because then you will never begin! Just begin speaking of Christ.

The third tip would be to ask good questions. You’ll be surprised to hear how many questions we ask each other in a casual conversation. Why not throw in a question about spiritual things? People love to talk about themselves, so ask them their particular beliefs about things like: heaven, hell, God, etc. At least now the conversation is on the topic of spiritual things and we can work in the gospel. Good questions are open ended questions, which means, people can’t answer with a ‘yes’ or a ‘no.’ A question like: “Are you a Christian?” is not an open ended question because they can just answer ‘yes’ and then the conversation is over or shifting to another topic. Ask a question like: “What do you think happens when you die?” That type of question must be answered with more than just a yes/no.

I hope we can begin to get over our fear of evangelism by simply beginning to engage in it. The more you do it, the less afraid you will be. Hopefully, we can use these tips to begin the conversations that may eventually lead to eternal life.

Pastor Mark Scialabba

April 2013

The Easter holiday has just passed. Usually this is a big Sunday for churches. Visitors come to church on Easter, and for the twice-a-year people this is one of the two. Churches are usually prepared and excited about having higher numbers than usual on Easter. I saw an advertisement that a local church was doing this year to lure visitors in and it greatly disturbed me. The advertisement promised a $50 gas card to every new family that visits this particular church on Easter Sunday. Only one word came to mind when I read that: bribery. Offering people a gift to come is bribing them to come to church.

Is this what it has come to in our country? Are we so cowardly that we cannot even muster the courage to invite people to church?  Do we have to bribe them to come? Are we so desperate for numbers that the ends justify the means? Do we so casually dismiss the words of Jesus when He said, “I will build my church” (Matt 16:18) and “apart from Me you can do nothing?” (John 15:5). Are we so untrusting of the gospel message that we believe good ol’ evangelism doesn’t work? Are we so unfaithful to the Great Commission and the purity of the church that we would turn to marketing strategies to grow? Are we so man-centered that we don’t care about what God thinks? Are we so confident in our own power to save that we think if we can just get them in the door, we can probably save them? Are we so full of deception that we would give a gift to get people in, and then expect them to sacrifice and serve for the church?

While I don’t think the aforementioned church is the only one doing this, and I don’t believe it is the main cause of the problem, I do think the actions of that church are the symptoms of an epidemic in this country. The epidemic is a loss of reverence for God. He has been dumbed down and simplified so much that we no longer think of Him as a “consuming fire.” (Heb 12:29). What happened to the God of the OT who warned the people at Mt. Sinai to not even try to look upon him or many of them would perish (Ex 19:21)? Where is the God who consumed Nadab and Abihu for not performing sacrifices according to His clear commands (Lev 10:2)? Where is the God who killed thousands of citizens of Beth-shemesh for looking into the ark (1 Sam 6:19)?

And where are the believers like Isaiah, Ezekiel, and John who were able to get a glimpse of heaven and could not help but fall on their face in awe of God and mourning of their own sin (Isa 6, Ezek 1, Rev 1)? Where are the believers who open the Word of God trembling (Isa 66:2) because they know that it will pierce through the thoughts and intentions of their heart (Heb 4:12)?

These kinds of believers are becoming rare because of the lack of reverence for God. Now, in our country, we can post a cute little ‘God saying’ on our Facebook wall or like a picture of Jesus and think we are giving God glory.  In reality, the way to bring God glory is to open the Word of God, trembling, and allow it to pierce right through our false attempts at humility, our prideful self-righteousness, our fear of man, and our wicked hearts.  We should allow the Word to lay us completely naked and bare before an Almighty Holy God who is the Judge of the living and the dead and will not let the guilty go free.  Only then do we understand we have absolutely no right to stand before Him or name His name; the only thing we have is the righteousness of Christ given to us, and that is the only reason why God doesn’t consume us on the spot. Friends, let’s remember who God really is. Let us bring back awe and reverence for the Holy One of Israel and let the fear of God motivate our actions.

Pastor Mark Scialabba

March 2013

Recently my daughters had to go to the doctor to receive some routine vaccinations.  Of course, they don’t give one or two, but three!  There is nothing worse than hearing your child scream out in pain.  As a parent, if it were possible, I would gladly step in and receive the pain for them.  Any other parent would agree with me.  We would do everything in our power to not cause pain to our children.

But sometimes, there is a necessary pain that we need to inflict upon our children.  Now, I’m not talking about abuse of any kind (physical, mental, or emotional).  I’m talking about the pain we cause when we rebuke our children for wrongdoing and when we punish our children for wrongdoing.  It causes a child pain to be corrected by his/her parents, and it causes a child pain to be punished by his/her parents.  That is never enjoyable to the parents, but it is necessary.

In the book of 1 Kings, David is nearing the end of his life.  He knows his reign is coming to an end, and he names his successor: Solomon.  But David had other boys as well.  One of those boys was named Adonijah. He selfishly exalted himself and said, “I will be the next king” (1 Kin 1:5).  He didn’t ask or inquire of his father or brothers about the possibility of being the next king, he just wanted it and declared it.  Verse 6 says, “His father (David) had never crossed him at any time by asking, ‘why have you done this?’”  Literally it says, David had never pained him, or caused him pain.  This is not any sort of abusive pain, but confrontational pain to Adonijah’s wrongdoing or wrong thinking.

The Bible declares that David was not complete in his parenting because he did not cause his son pain. It’s talking about the pain of confrontation or rebuke for wrongdoing.  For whatever reason, David did not or could not confront or correct his son when he was wrong.  Of course, it never feels good to rebuke and punish our children.  It pains me to have to spank my children when they do wrong.  But without that confrontation, the sinfulness in a child’s heart goes on unhindered and allows him/her full expression of selfish desires.  Case in point: Adonijah.

Adonijah wanted to be the king and took steps to attain that, and David never confronted him about it. The story has a sad ending, as Solomon ends up executing Adonijah because he is a challenger to Solomon’s throne.  The point is that we have a responsibility before God as parents, to rebuke and correct when our children show sinful thoughts or behaviors.  We are God’s main agent in the restriction of our children’s sinful tendencies.  When we let sin continue because we don’t want to hurt their feelings (or their bum) then we actually cause them more pain in the long run, because their sinful tendencies are allowed free expression.  That dishonors and displeases God.  There is a necessary pain we must cause as parents, for the long term benefits of our children.

I would also like to speak directly to children now.  If you think that your parents enjoy punishing you or correcting your bad behavior, believe me, they don’t.  But your parents have a responsibility before God to correct and train you in righteousness.  Part of that training is punishing that which is evil or wrong.  As difficult as this may sound, welcome the correction because your parents have your best interest at heart.  It would have been more beneficial for David to correct and punish his son, Adonijah, than to just let him do as he pleased.

Pastor Mark Scialabba

February 2013

February is here, and because of Valentine’s Day, it is the month of love. Just walk through any store and you will see all the hearts and flowers that are for sale that only appear this month. As Christians, we know that ‘love’ is the summary characteristic of a believer’s life, and that is should go on all the time. We are to love God, love Christ, love the church, love God’s Word, love our spouse, love our kids, love our enemies, love our neighbors, and so on.  This month I wanted to draw our attention to another area of love that Scripture calls for, and I believe it is one of the hardest to really master.

Ephesians 4:15 says we are to “speak the truth in love.” I believe this is one of the hardest ‘love’ commands to follow. Speaking the truth requires a believer to be fearless and bold, ready and willing to confront and/or correct another. But also, that truth speaking must be done with an attitude of love, with a genuine concern for the other person. It’s a delicate balance, and difficult to perfect.

This verse is in the context of describing believers growing in spiritual maturity (vv 13-14). So, speaking the truth in love, is the mark of a spiritually mature person. Also, verse 14 is warning us to not be spiritual children who are tricked and deceived into thinking all kinds of things. So the truth speaking is not just about trivial things, although that still applies. It is primarily about believers who are wavering in their beliefs and doctrines. Can you imagine confronting someone about that? As I said, this is a difficult aspect of love.

Some people are great at speaking the truth. They have no fear “telling it like it is.” They are not shy about letting their feelings and/or desires be made known. They will say what needs to be said without any second guessing about the awkwardness it might cause for the other person. But, if all that truth speaking is not done in a loving way, the other person is turned off and doesn’t hear. The truth speaker is viewed as “mean” or even “rude,” when maybe they really are speaking the truth! But if the love is not there, people won’t receive it.

Other people are great at loving. They love everybody and everything everybody does. They avoid, at all costs, confronting or correcting other people. And usually they avoid this out of concern for being labeled “unloving” or “judgmental.” Siding completely on the side of “love” avoids the truth, and in reality, becomes unhelpful.

The key is to find the delicate balance. Speaking the truth must be done in a loving way, with concern for the other person’s well being and feelings. And loving that other person must always be in truth, which means confronting when an offense has happened. To ignore it and let it continue would not be love.

If we all implement this, I see a church of spiritually mature believers who can confront with the truth in love for their fellow brother/sister. Some examples are: “That language really wasn’t appropriate.” Or, “I think that choice of clothing is a little too revealing.”

In order for us all to be able to do this, we need to look for it when it is done to us. When another believer confronts me about an offense, I want to welcome that because that believer loves me and doesn’t want me to continue offending.  So, speak the truth in love and look for others who are speaking the truth in love to you.

Pastor Mark Scialabba

January 2012

Tebow. Tebow. Tebow. If you have been following the NFL over the past few months, this name has come up more than any other name. And it has even spilled over into pop culture and the news as well. If you don’t know who Tebow is, let me explain. He is a quarterback from the University of Florida who was drafted by the Denver Broncos this year. He was a back-up until the team started playing very poorly and then he was given the starting job. Since he took over the team, the Broncos have gone 6-2 and are possibly going to be in the playoffs. This is all because Tim Tebow has been leading the team to victories. But why is there such huge media fascination with him? Players in all professional sports leagues do great things every year, why Tim Tebow? Well, the short answer is: he’s a Christian, and he is not ashamed to show you.

Of course there are many Christians in the NFL, and that alone does not separate Tim Tebow. But there hasn’t really been a player who sings praise songs as he warms up. There hasn’t really been a player who talks about his faith and his Savior at press conferences. There hasn’t really been a player who bows his knee to pray during the game, and not just on good plays! That is not a knock against other Christians in the NFL, this is simply the reason that Tim Tebow stands out.

But with all the hype surrounding Tim Tebow, one thing consistently stands out. Not the question of: does Jesus like the Denver Broncos? Not the issue of: what role does religion play in sports? The thing that stands out is: that is just who he is. You hear other players and coaches from the team and they all say the same thing: that is just who Tim Tebow is. He is not putting on an act in front of cameras. He is not trying to garnish media attention. He is a genuine and sincere person. The guy that sings praise songs during warm ups before a game, is the same guy singing praise songs on an off day. It’s just who he is.

There is an incredibly valuable lesson in the Tim Tebow frenzy. That is the lesson of being real, being genuine, and being sincere. People can tell if you are simply putting on the ‘Christian’ act. Or, if you act one way on Sunday, and a completely different way the rest of the week. If we are two different people around youth group and around school groups, then we are not being sincere. The apostle Paul told his young protégé Timothy that the goal of pastoral teaching was, “love from a pure heart, a good conscience, and a sincere faith” (1 Tim 1:5). The pastor is not trying to teach his people how to act like a Christian, the pastor is trying to teach his people how to be a Christian.

Now, there is the reality that not everyone likes Tim Tebow. In fact, sports columnists, other players, and even people not associated with sports, have slammed Tim Tebow for all his ‘religious stuff.’ People have said to “tone it down,” or “leave it at home,” or “we’re sick of it.” This response is nothing new. Jesus said, “if the world hates you, you know that it has hated Me before it hated you” (John 15:18; see also Matt 10:22, Mark 13:13, Luke 6:22). If you stand up for Jesus Christ, and you act like a Christian all day every day, and you give God the glory for everything, people may not respect you. In fact, they may hate you. But Jesus encourages us by letting us know, “I know how you feel.”

At the end of the day, if we are true believers in Jesus Christ, we need to act like it day in and day out. We can’t have split personalities. Church person on Sunday and at youth group; then worldly person every other day. Be genuine and sincere in your faith. And secondly, be prepared for when you are being sincere, that some people won’t like it. Remember, Jesus said that would happen. Jesus knows how we feel. Just ask yourself this question: what matters more to me, the approval of my friends or the approval of my Savior?

Pastor Mark Scialabba